Help for ADHD Parents:
"Transforming the Difficult Child"
ADHD parents have it tough. Anyone assigned the task of parenting
an ADHD child knows this is not the easiest job on the block.
ADHD in children has an interesting way of collecting scornful looks from a wide
source of people.
ADHD parents know that rearing an ADHD child is
different and it is often difficult, but it does not need to be awful. We recently found a
phenomenal resource for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder parenting, as
well as parenting any difficult-to-parent child.
This resource - "Transforming the Difficult Child: The
Nurturing Heart Approach" written by Howard Glasser, MA and Jennifer Easley, MA
- received top pick for recommended reading out of the many
ADHD books reviewed by staff at the
Attention Deficit Disorder Help Center. As an ADHD parents resource, this is one
of the better books
on ADHD you should have at home.
Howard Glasser was kind enough to provide a synopsis of
the strategies outlined in his book.
Basic Tenets of the Nurtured Heart Treatment Model:
By Howard Glasser, MA
My work with families is strategic, systemic, and
holistic. Similar to how Andrew Weil feels that core strengthening of the immune
system dissolves many health issues, I feel that core strengthening of the
psychological immune system dissolves emotional health issues.
I think always in terms of energy, almost as if the
invisible psychological meridians were in need of adjustment. This adjustment is
fairly easy to achieve for children with behavioral issues by recruiting the
parent to become the child’s therapist.
Mainstream parenting strategies almost always backfire for
difficult children. They sustain the flow of energy in the wrong direction. They
deepen the child’s impression that they can access more animated and interesting
reactions in relation to their negativity.
The Nurtured Heart Model is geared toward reversing that
impression and helping the child come to trust that they can access greater
internal and external energy in relation to their successes. The model
strategically creates a new scenario that supports the occurrence of this
transformation.
My favorite theories are: (please excuse their simplicity,
as I have become quite shallow in my old age)
Toys R’ Us: We are by far our child’s favorite
toy. We have so many more interesting features (actions, reactions, emotions)
than their other toys. In the course of exploring how the world works and
their effect on the world, a child can easily form an impression that these
"Toys" are much more interesting and animated when things are going wrong.
The Big Bang Theory: Kids love fireworks and the
bigger reactions, especially children who are smarter, or needier, or more
sensitive, or more intense. The bigger reactions need to happen when things
are going right.
The Nintendo Therapy Theory: It is no accident
that intense children are so attracted to Nintendo-like games. Their success
at these games is totally predictable. Nintendo has the perfect blend and
level of structure that creates the attraction and the winning scenario. The
structure is a result of all the game does that signals success, interactively
with all the game brings to the table in terms of limit setting.
The Inverted Love Theory: We can say we hate
something as vehemently as we wish, but children equate the reality of our
love to what we attach our energy. So, if I make a big deal over my disdain of
bad manners, a child will decode my statements as "I love bad manners", unless
I find a way to make a bigger deal over instances of good manners. We are what
we energize.
My favorite techniques are designed to give both the
teacher and the parent the advantage of a proactive frame of reference. They
help dramatically to create successes that would not otherwise exist. They
create these successes in context of actual experiences of valued actions,
relationships and acknowledged moments in time.
Kodak Moments: These provide proof positive that
the child has been seen as they simply are used to verbally describe back to
the child observations of their actions and emotions. Children instinctively
download each detail as a success. They begin a new perception that they do
not have to go to the trouble of acting out. Being noticed has a powerful
effect.
Polaroids: These give parents a new way of
instilling qualities that they wish to see grow. Often topics like respect and
responsibility come up in context of a problem. Any reaction whatsoever winds
up rewarding disrespect and irresponsibility, the very opposite of what a
parent wishes to see happen. This techniques is a way of energizing and
teaching important values and embedding them in an actual successful
experience for the child.
Canons: Challenging children mostly hear about
the rules only in context of poor behavior. Every effort to teach the rule
under these circumstances fails, no matter how good the lecture, reprimand or
redirection. Normal parenting interventions typically reward the child who
perceives that breaking rules is a great way of getting animated reactions
from adults. This method proactively creates more experiences of success for
children by proactively appreciating when rules are not being broken. These
children are much more receptive to the intended lesson under these
circumstances.
What we enjoyed most about Glasser’s book is the gentle
and loving approach taken that still provides a system of accountability for the
child. The beauty of the "Nurtured Heart Approach" is that these ADHD
parents strategies are
simple and easily achievable.
Attention Deficit and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity
Disorder is a complex issue requiring a multi-pronged approach.
Nutrition and suitable
ADHD remedies play
a key role in addressing the physical aspect of ADHD in children but it goes
hand-in-hand with effective Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder parenting
skills to address the psychological issues of ADHD in children.
We encourage all assigned the task of ADHD
parents to read this book to help modify
ADHD in
children.
